“Should we have a wedding—or just elope?”

It’s a question couples ask more often (and earlier) than you might think. Sometimes even before there’s a ring. But beneath the logistics and budget talk is usually a deeper question:

Why should you have a wedding at all?
And what if a big celebration doesn’t feel like you?

Here’s what I want you to know up front: This is not a right vs. wrong decision. It’s a deeply personal one. So instead of chasing the “perfect” plan or trying to please every opinion, let’s pause and ask better questions. Like the kind that actually help you figure out what YOU want.

Ask yourselves:

• Is this really about budget, or something deeper?
• Are your personalities suited for having all eyes on you, or does that make you cringe (feel the need to pop a Xanax)?
• Do you dream of a dance floor packed with your people, or a private, quiet vow exchange with just the two of you?
• Are you close with your families and want them there to witness the start of your marriage?
• Or do you come from a family dynamic that is complicated, strained, or painful?
• Do you feel a tug-of-war between what you want and what you feel obligated to do?
• Is there a spiritual or religious element that matters to you and shapes how you want to say “I do”?
• Would making it legal now and celebrating later actually give you more peace?

This isn’t about finding the “right” answer.
It’s about figuring out your answer.

Why do I care so much?

When I got married back in 2007, we did the legal part quietly in April, then set our wedding date for August. We had dreamed of a small, simple beach wedding followed by dinner and dancing at a nearby event space. But after hearing well-meaning advice from family, especially from my recently married sister, I ended up conceding. “It’s too far.” “People won’t come.” “You’ll regret not having it in a church.” “It’s going to be too hot.”

So we changed everything.

We had a church wedding. A buffet with food we didn’t want. A venue that didn’t feel like us. And our photographer who never showed up.

And while I never regretted who I married, I did regret how we did it. Because it didn’t feel like us.

I didn’t know how to advocate for the vision we had.
I didn’t know I was allowed to.

So if you’re wondering why you should have a wedding, or if you’re silently hoping someone will say, “You’re allowed to do it differently,” this is me saying it:

This is your wedding. You owe it to yourselves to decide what’s right for you.

So go ahead, and make the choice you’ll be proud of a decade from now, not the one that just keeps everyone else comfortable today.

The Pros & Cons: Traditional Wedding vs. Eloping

Here’s an honest look at what each option brings to the table, plus a third path that might surprise you.

💒 Traditional Wedding

Pros:
• All your people in one place—it might never happen again
• Getting ready with your closest friends = core memory
• Aesthetic freedom: florals, food, music, venue, vibes
• More photo ops with family and friends
• Built-in traditions like first dances and toasts
• Often easier for grandparents or older loved ones to attend

Cons:
• $$$—can easily run tens of thousands
• Guest list drama or pressure
• Planning overload (RSVPs, vendors, details, dietary needs)
• Can feel more like “hosting” than enjoying
• Pressure to perform, please, and get it “right”
• Post-wedding regret if you didn’t do it for you

🌄 Eloping

Pros:
• Deep intimacy—no distractions, just you two
• Travel flexibility (Yosemite? New Zealand? Yes, please.)
• Less stress—no guest list, no seating charts
• More budget freedom to splurge on what matters
• Fully customized experience—no rules, no expectations
• You’ll actually spend the day together

Cons:
• Family may feel hurt or left out
• You may be asked to explain your decision (but you don’t owe anyone)
• No reception or shared moments with guests
• Elopements can still cost $10k+
• May lack some traditional moments you do want

Which list made you feel more excited, and which made you feel tense? That’s worth paying attention to. Sometimes your gut knows what your brain is still trying to rationalize.

Not quite vibing with either? Let me introduce you to Micro Weddings?

If you’re not loving either extreme, there’s a beautiful third option that might be exactly what you’ve been craving:
A MICRO WEDDING

Micro weddings blend the intimacy of an elopement with the celebration of a traditional wedding, just on a much smaller, more intentional, and intimate scale.

And if I could go back, this is what I would have done.

No wedding party, but I’d still have my sisters and 2 best friends getting ready with me. My mom would have been there helping me into my dress. We’d exchange vows on the beach with just our closest people around us. After photos and a quiet moment alone, we’d sit down for dinner—candles lit, florals low enough to talk over, the ocean nearby.

We’d still dance. Still toast. Still celebrate.
But we’d end the night slow—on the sand, listening to waves, just… us.

A micro wedding holds space for both the beauty of tradition and the peace of elopement.
It’s not a compromise. It’s the sweet spot.

Why a Micro Wedding?

• Keeps things intimate—but still celebratory
• Lets your budget stretch further (better florals, food, photos)
• Simplifies the guest list
• Creates space for peace and tradition
• Gives you both time with guests and each other

It’s not a compromise. It’s the sweet spot.

So…Why Should You Have a Wedding?

Not because it’s expected.
Not because it’s tradition.
Not because your crazy aunt really wants to dance to “Uptown Funk.”

But because it reflects the beginning you want.

Whether you choose a big celebration, a secret elopement, or something in between, your wedding should feel like a meaningful start to your marriage, not a performance for someone else.

You are allowed to:
Do it differently
Choose peace over pressure
Protect your vision

If you’re ready to plan a traditional wedding, or elopement, that actually feels like you, let’s talk.
→ Reach out and tell me what you’re dreaming of. I’d love to help you protect your vision and bring it to life.

Cheers!
Kristen